So today was a little crazy. I've been super busy, which is good because there is no time to focus on cravings. I went to the doctor today to have some blood taken and see if I have hypothyroidism. I recently found out that I have a family history of relatives with a under active thyroid. I should hear back in about a week.
I'm not sure how I feel about it. Part of me would be relieved to know that there is something wrong with me that is making this process of losing weight and keeping it off so difficult. Then there's another part of me that doesn't want to have to deal with battling my body to stay healthy. Right now I think I'd rather hear there's nothing wrong and know that I just need to work a lot harder and be consistent.
I actually think consistent healthy eating is more effective than consistent exercise. I'm still focusing on trying to only eat when I'm hungry. It has been interesting to try and discern that. I've been drinking a full glass of what every time I feel like I'm hungry. Sometime I've actually been hungry, others I was just thirsty. No gym today, between doctor's appointments and work I couldn't make it during child care hours, but I'm definitely going tomorrow.
Okay I've got to go to bed now. I'm trying to get a good 8 hours of sleep each night, but I had a last minute work deadline, that needed to get done tonight.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Monday, May 30, 2011
Day 3:
Today was somewhat tougher than expected. Since I work from home my schedule is constantly changing. It's also Memorial Day so the child care at my gym was closed. Luckily a friend was able to help me out and I made it to the gym for a quick 35 mins. I did abs (ball crunches, plank for 1 minute, leg raises, medicine ball move where you balance on your butt and take the ball from one side to the other, and weighted machines that target obliques and lower abs). Then treadmill (20 mins doing intervals on incline, speed stayed between 3.0 & 3.5 but every 2 minutes I would adjust the incline from 5% to 10% to 2% to 15 % to 8% and then started at 5% again). Not what I was hoping for but something is better than nothing.
The hardest part about today was the food. It was really hard to resist the urge to snack. Thank goodness my house has only healthy stuff in it right now. I went to a friends house for dinner. It wasn't as hard to pick the healthy stuff knowing that others are watching. I made sure to eat a proper portion size. What was tough was coming home and not eating more. I wanted to, but instead I focused on the fact that I wasn't really hungry and I didn't want to deal with the guilt of breaking down at the end of my first day.
I didn't break down. I stayed strong. I ate well today, and I'm looking forward to tomorrow. I've got something big going on, and I'm not sure what I really want to hear from it. Stay tuned.
The hardest part about today was the food. It was really hard to resist the urge to snack. Thank goodness my house has only healthy stuff in it right now. I went to a friends house for dinner. It wasn't as hard to pick the healthy stuff knowing that others are watching. I made sure to eat a proper portion size. What was tough was coming home and not eating more. I wanted to, but instead I focused on the fact that I wasn't really hungry and I didn't want to deal with the guilt of breaking down at the end of my first day.
I didn't break down. I stayed strong. I ate well today, and I'm looking forward to tomorrow. I've got something big going on, and I'm not sure what I really want to hear from it. Stay tuned.
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Day Two: It is Time
Today I am sick of being this way. As I tried on shirt after shirt this morning I realized that some of them had fit me a year ago. I hate that I've put on more and more weight. It needs to stop! A few times today I caught glimpses of my reflection in either glass doors or large mirrors, and I didn't even recognize myself. I'm so much larger than what I picture I look like in my mind. I want to change so badly.
To start changing I've started this blog, to keep track of what I'm doing and to go back and see where I need to improve and where I can commend myself. I've been debating about what to include in my daily blogs. I know each week I will update my weight. But I'm not sure what other information I want to put here. I was thinking of taking a picture of me in that bikini I mentioned earlier, and putting up a new shot each month until I hit my goal weight. I'm also trying to decide whether to log my food and exercise on here or just give the daily totals.
I will be logging everything I eat for at least the first 2 months in a food journal I bought. I think it will take at least that long for my body to adjust hunger levels and know when it's full. The great thing about blogging it, is that no one I know has any idea that this blog exists. I've set everything up anonymously so unless your some hacker type, you don't know who I am. This gives me a wonderful freedom to be 100% truthful in what I put on here.
Tomorrow I begin, and I'm already nervous. I really really don't want to fail this time. By nature I'm determined in almost everything I do. With the exception of weight loss I've succeeded in so many different aspects of my life. So now it's time, my life is in a great place right now, and it's time for me to go forward. It is time I start treating my body respectfully and with love and care. It's time.
To start changing I've started this blog, to keep track of what I'm doing and to go back and see where I need to improve and where I can commend myself. I've been debating about what to include in my daily blogs. I know each week I will update my weight. But I'm not sure what other information I want to put here. I was thinking of taking a picture of me in that bikini I mentioned earlier, and putting up a new shot each month until I hit my goal weight. I'm also trying to decide whether to log my food and exercise on here or just give the daily totals.
I will be logging everything I eat for at least the first 2 months in a food journal I bought. I think it will take at least that long for my body to adjust hunger levels and know when it's full. The great thing about blogging it, is that no one I know has any idea that this blog exists. I've set everything up anonymously so unless your some hacker type, you don't know who I am. This gives me a wonderful freedom to be 100% truthful in what I put on here.
Tomorrow I begin, and I'm already nervous. I really really don't want to fail this time. By nature I'm determined in almost everything I do. With the exception of weight loss I've succeeded in so many different aspects of my life. So now it's time, my life is in a great place right now, and it's time for me to go forward. It is time I start treating my body respectfully and with love and care. It's time.
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Day 1: Getting Ready
So today I've been getting ready. I want to start implementing my new lifestyle on Monday (it's always easier to start something at the beginning of the week). Today I've been getting my world in order. Doing laundry, cleaning the house, catching up on yard work and my actual job (I work from home). I want to be able to start on Monday and not be distracted by other things. I cleaned out the kitchen and went grocery shopping.
I want to be clear that I didn't just wake up and decide to change my lifestyle and eating habits, it's been something I've been thinking about doing for a long time. I've actually started and stopped again many times. Which is why I thought a blog might be helpful. Who knows maybe one of these days I'll have followers on here, and it will help me to feel more accountable for my actions.
I've been going to a gym for quite sometime now. I know just about all of the morning trainers and front desk people. I don't go everyday, but I usually make it at the very least 3 days a week. So why am I still fat??? Decisions. I make horrible decisions.
It's like I can't even help it. I continually chose to eat out, when I know I could make the same meal at home for cheaper, and probably a lot healthier. When at the store it's like my cart has a split personality. Half the food would make you think I'm an organic food crunchy granola type, and the other half is over processed junk that has no right going into any one's mouth let alone the lining the grocery store shelves.
So today I bought all healthy stuff, a few organic items that I could afford, and 2 overly processed items that maybe I could have skipped on (tortilla chips and graham crackers), everything else was fruits, veggies, whole grains, or lean meats. I created a meal plan that I'm determined to stick to. It's time to retrain my mind and stomach as to what food is. I mean food, real food, not food made with ingredients that I can't pronounce or didn't exist 60 years ago.
Tomorrow I have more prep work to do. And Monday I begin. I'm looking forward to a new me. At least a new me on the outside. I really have learned to love and accept myself for who I am. I truly feel that doing that is the first step towards success for me (or anyone who is wanting to change any aspect of their life). I know that I have great potential for this life, and I can do a whole lot of good. Now it's about time I start treating myself that way and do something to better my life, and as I get healthier it will only help me do more for those around me. Who knows maybe it will help someone out there in this world wide web as well.
I want to be clear that I didn't just wake up and decide to change my lifestyle and eating habits, it's been something I've been thinking about doing for a long time. I've actually started and stopped again many times. Which is why I thought a blog might be helpful. Who knows maybe one of these days I'll have followers on here, and it will help me to feel more accountable for my actions.
I've been going to a gym for quite sometime now. I know just about all of the morning trainers and front desk people. I don't go everyday, but I usually make it at the very least 3 days a week. So why am I still fat??? Decisions. I make horrible decisions.
It's like I can't even help it. I continually chose to eat out, when I know I could make the same meal at home for cheaper, and probably a lot healthier. When at the store it's like my cart has a split personality. Half the food would make you think I'm an organic food crunchy granola type, and the other half is over processed junk that has no right going into any one's mouth let alone the lining the grocery store shelves.
So today I bought all healthy stuff, a few organic items that I could afford, and 2 overly processed items that maybe I could have skipped on (tortilla chips and graham crackers), everything else was fruits, veggies, whole grains, or lean meats. I created a meal plan that I'm determined to stick to. It's time to retrain my mind and stomach as to what food is. I mean food, real food, not food made with ingredients that I can't pronounce or didn't exist 60 years ago.
Tomorrow I have more prep work to do. And Monday I begin. I'm looking forward to a new me. At least a new me on the outside. I really have learned to love and accept myself for who I am. I truly feel that doing that is the first step towards success for me (or anyone who is wanting to change any aspect of their life). I know that I have great potential for this life, and I can do a whole lot of good. Now it's about time I start treating myself that way and do something to better my life, and as I get healthier it will only help me do more for those around me. Who knows maybe it will help someone out there in this world wide web as well.
Friday, May 27, 2011
New Beginnings
So this is my beginning, sort of, or at the very least the beginning of another try at weight loss. And the first blog I've ever attempted.
Here's the skinny on me (yeah I used skinny on purpose, it's supposed to be funny because I'm not). I don't have any horror stories of being molested as a child or abused in any way that made me turn to food for comfort. I don't have any mommy or daddy issues (at least none that I know of). I just grew up in an American society of finish your plate, no matter what's on it. I grew up eating all the genetically engineered food that now scientists are realizing are bad for us...big surprise there. But here's the real kick in the pants, even though I know it's bad for me and that I shouldn't eat (insert any fast food or high in taste low in nutrition food here), I can't seem to stop myself, and for good reason.
More and more studies are coming out showing that food is addictive. (read "The End of Overeating by David Kessler MD, any of Michael Pollan's books or even Jillian Michaels' books) The more sugar, salt and/or fat a food has, the better the taste, the better it tastes, the more we recall it when we have a craving. Studies have been coming out on the addictive properties of food (www.refinedfoodaddiction.org has a good listing of about 35 recent articles from established universities and institutions from around the world). A lot focusing on the neurology and genetics of food addiction. Basically, it's easy to get addicted to food if you're given the right culture. And I grew up with just the perfect conditions for such an addiction.
I remember going to McDonald's almost every weekend with my Dad so Mom could have a break. McDonald's was actually my first word after mommy and daddy, shameful to admit but true. I wasn't an overweight or obese child. I was never a stick either. I was never made to eat my veggies or fruit, they weren't important. We ate dinner late at night, and I usually skipped breakfast and would snack all the time. I honestly do not know if I know what hunger feels like. Which is extremely sad not just because that means that I eat when I'm not hungry, but also because the majority of people in this world know far too well what true hunger means.
After 30 years of overeating I am now 236 lbs at 5'9". But considering that just to be at the top of my healthy BMI range I need to lose 76 lbs, it's startling, even to me, and I've been this weight for about a year now. I know that I do tend to hold on to and/or gain weight when stressed. I am probably eating more when I'm stressed, even though I haven't really noticed.
So here we are. I'm fat, I'm extremely unhealthy, but most importantly I'm ready to change! I've started this blog to hold myself accountable. One day at a time. I bought a skimpy bikini that I plan to wear on vacation with my husband next spring. So for the next year I have a goal to blog everyday. Gradually changing my habits. I also have a goal to lose 2 lbs each week. Which is safe and completely doable. I'm ready! I have no idea if anyone will ever be reading this or follow along. But here we go...
Here's the skinny on me (yeah I used skinny on purpose, it's supposed to be funny because I'm not). I don't have any horror stories of being molested as a child or abused in any way that made me turn to food for comfort. I don't have any mommy or daddy issues (at least none that I know of). I just grew up in an American society of finish your plate, no matter what's on it. I grew up eating all the genetically engineered food that now scientists are realizing are bad for us...big surprise there. But here's the real kick in the pants, even though I know it's bad for me and that I shouldn't eat (insert any fast food or high in taste low in nutrition food here), I can't seem to stop myself, and for good reason.
More and more studies are coming out showing that food is addictive. (read "The End of Overeating by David Kessler MD, any of Michael Pollan's books or even Jillian Michaels' books) The more sugar, salt and/or fat a food has, the better the taste, the better it tastes, the more we recall it when we have a craving. Studies have been coming out on the addictive properties of food (www.refinedfoodaddiction.org has a good listing of about 35 recent articles from established universities and institutions from around the world). A lot focusing on the neurology and genetics of food addiction. Basically, it's easy to get addicted to food if you're given the right culture. And I grew up with just the perfect conditions for such an addiction.
I remember going to McDonald's almost every weekend with my Dad so Mom could have a break. McDonald's was actually my first word after mommy and daddy, shameful to admit but true. I wasn't an overweight or obese child. I was never a stick either. I was never made to eat my veggies or fruit, they weren't important. We ate dinner late at night, and I usually skipped breakfast and would snack all the time. I honestly do not know if I know what hunger feels like. Which is extremely sad not just because that means that I eat when I'm not hungry, but also because the majority of people in this world know far too well what true hunger means.
After 30 years of overeating I am now 236 lbs at 5'9". But considering that just to be at the top of my healthy BMI range I need to lose 76 lbs, it's startling, even to me, and I've been this weight for about a year now. I know that I do tend to hold on to and/or gain weight when stressed. I am probably eating more when I'm stressed, even though I haven't really noticed.
So here we are. I'm fat, I'm extremely unhealthy, but most importantly I'm ready to change! I've started this blog to hold myself accountable. One day at a time. I bought a skimpy bikini that I plan to wear on vacation with my husband next spring. So for the next year I have a goal to blog everyday. Gradually changing my habits. I also have a goal to lose 2 lbs each week. Which is safe and completely doable. I'm ready! I have no idea if anyone will ever be reading this or follow along. But here we go...
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